Joy Check!

    In my personal devotional time these past couple of months, I have been working through the book "Adorned" by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth.  (Snag your own copy here.)  Anyway, over this last week or so, I have been in the chapter that discusses the principle mentioned in Titus 2:4 as "...to love their children."  She really covers the idea well, but that was not the aspect that really struck me this time.  It was when she mentioned another verse, almost in passing.  It is found in Psalm 113:9.

    And there it was... like a brick.  "...joyful mother of children."  Huh.  Well, then.  Okay.   It also coincided with my recent watching of Marie Kondo's show on Netflix, and the new buzz words going around: "Does _______ spark joy?" 

     Am I a joyful mother of children?  I know I'm a busy mother of children.  An often impatient mother of children.  An occasionally frustrated mother of children.  A distracted mother of children.  But joyful...?  Hm... ouch. 

    So, I thought I'd spend a bit of time thinking and meditating on this idea, and just wanted to share my musings with y'all.  What are some practical ways I can be a more joyful mother of children?  Here are a few things I came up with: 

            1) It only works with Jesus.  Really, you don't even have to look elsewhere for this...it's right in the verse: "He maketh..."  Y'all, we can't do this motherhood thing without Jesus.  All the parenting books, videos, seminars, and blogs won't help a bit if we don't have the right foundation to build on.  And, believe me, I know how hard it is to find time to connect with my Lord in a meaningful way.  But if we really think about it, we can find those 15 or 20 minutes in our day.  Even 10.  To stop, come apart, and re-connect with our Power Source.  Do it.  Let the laundry sit.  Don't respond to the chirp of your text notification.  Put in a DVD for your little people.  Sit in your car before work.  Spend the time... it isn't wasted. 

          2)  Let it go.  Fair warning... this is my biggest struggle.  But to maintain a joyful spirit, you might need to overlook certain things.  I mean, is it really going to hurt anything if your toddler goes to the store in mismatched socks and a super hero cape?  If you give your kids cookies for a snack instead of carrot sticks?  Baths only happen every other day?  Does that make you less of a mom?  Nope.  Not to your kids.  But they will remember it if everything you do turns into a power struggle over your way or theirs.  Ask yourself, "Why do I feel that this is so important to me?"  If you can't give yourself a good answer, you may just want to roll with it.  At a minimum, it will be worth it to see the look on your kids faces! 

          3)  Don't let it go.  Ha!  Contradiction warning!!  Yes, on the surface, this one appears to be the opposite of what I just said, but hold your horses.  I have come to see the importance of letting little things go... and the importance of not letting the big ones slide.  Is it easier to let your kid get down from the table after you made yourself clear about the remaining broccoli on his plate?  Well, duh.  But did you give a firm direction?  "Eat the broccoli?"  Well, then, you'd better stick it out.  Obedience is one of the best things we can teach our kids.  That sports game happening during Sunday morning church?  What are you teaching about priorities?  Kids are crazy and you're tempted to skip family Bible time and just put everyone to bed so you can veg out a few minutes early?  Careful... they are paying more attention than you think.  So, be consistent on those big things. 

          4)  Smile when you see your kids.  I heard this quote from someone several years ago... and I have never forgotten it.  They said that when your kids come into the room, or you are seeing them for the first time in a while (picking up from school, daycare, etc.), to let them see your happiness to see them on your face.  It is so easy to let our faces reflect the million other things we are mentally juggling when we interact with our kids.  But when is the last time you just made eye contact with your kids and smiled at them?  Rather than a distracted, "Hey, honey. Have a good day? Get in... we're late for ...."  (Or in my case, "Hey guys.  Pick that up. Put away your stuff.  Have you done your chores?")  I know this is one I need to put into a bit better practice for sure! 

     I hope these tips help us to re-focus on being joyful in our motherhood.  God thinks kids are important, and He entrusts them to us for a short time.  Let's not treat that responsibility as if it only means drudgery and depression.  Let your kids see that Jesus has made you to be their joyful mother...even in the daily dose of chaos!  :)

Growing Their Roots; Spreading Their Wings

    So, I'm trying to do a blog post every month this year... so far, so good! ;)  My baby boy just turned 10 a couple of days ago.  I was looking through old pictures to make the obligatory Facebook post showing his growth--always a bittersweet experience.  Those little kid days seem so long ago. 

    This was really brought home to me even more this weekend, as First Born and Middle Biscuit were going their separate ways to do separate things in their respective areas of interest.  This has been happening more and more as they get older, and it has me being reflective. 

    As they grow, they will spend less and less time here in the nest.  Which is, of course, the goal.  (No 30 year olds living in my basement, thank you very much!)  I was listening to our local radio hosts the other morning, and they were commenting how that those baby and toddler years seem to last forever, but that once your kid gets into high school, it's like the time speeds up to warp levels, and they're gone before you know it.  And I am reminded of a little plaque that hangs in my grandmother's house.  I remember reading it as a kid, and not really getting it.  But now I do.  It's the one about roots and wings, and how we need to give our kids both. 

    First Born is in high school this year, and Middle Biscuit is in junior high, and I can see the end coming.  It's barreling down the tunnel, and there's no getting out of its way.  So, I'm thinking: have I done all I can to get them ready?  Are they grounded in their faith?  Can they stand up for what's right?  Do they have manners?  Can they clean up after themselves?  Are they on their way to being decent human beings?  And I can only answer: We're trying, and we're not giving up yet! 

    It seems like that happens often.  People just sort of stop parenting once their kids get to be about 11 or 12.  I guess I figure that is actually the worst time to stop parenting.  You see, your kids are going from kids to adults in those last few years.  Before, they were only changing from little kids to a little bit bigger kids.  You have to teach them staying-alive skills, like listening, obedience, don't eat cat food, etc.  Which are really important, of course. 

     But taking your hands off the wheel just when your kid gets to the controls is a bad idea.  Am I an advocate of "helicopter parenting?"  No way.  (I'm probably the least helicopter parent I know, ha!)  But there's a difference between hovering and intentional parenting. 

     Intentional parenting is parenting with an end goal in mind.  Not just stopping a behavior or decision because it's annoying or inconvenient, but because you have a definite purpose and plan for your kids.  You want them to be adults one day.  Competent adults that know how to do things. 

    So, what are some ways we intentionally parent?  I'll share a few with you, but there's no one-size-fits-all plan.  But I think these are good starting points, and they are how we try to raise our kids.  Who are by no means perfect (WHY CAN NO ONE FIND THE HAMPER?!?) but are growing every day a bit at a time. 

     1) Prayer.  Of course, this seems like an obvious one, but unless you start the habit early, you'll find time has flown by and your kid is out the door.  This is one that can be done any where, any time.  Start simple--pray for them to have a good day at school.  It's easy to go from there.  Pray for their attitude; pray for their behavior struggles; pray for their friends; pray for their future spouse.  I know people who choose a verse to pray over their kids.  There's no one right way to pray, except to just start. 

     2) Tell them the truth.  We don't lie to our kids.  About big things or little things.  We don't tell them things we know aren't true.  The truth is a very big deal in our house, and pretty much the earliest lesson we began teaching.  But how does a kid know not to lie if the adults in their life do?  You can tell the truth no matter what.  We say Santa is a fun pretend, not that he's real, or that he brought their presents.  We tell them the truth when they ask the hard questions.  And, believe me, it's not always easy.  Some of those questions can be really hard.  But your child's trust in you is a key aspect of their eventual trust in God.  So be very careful to be honest with your kids, even when it's difficult.

     3) Protect them.  This seems like a no-brainer as well, but so many kids are thrown to the wolves every day.  *soap box warning*  Because their parents give them access to electronics without knowing what that entails.  You turn on the parental controls and assume everything is great.  But her "friend" is the one telling your daughter she could stand to lose some weight.  His "friend" is introducing your son to thoughts and images he will never recover from.  And all I hear is, "But...but... but..."  But I know what I have seen kids turn in to when they get their first phone.  I know the ways they get around you.  I listen to them talk to each other when they think no grown-ups are listening.  So, protect them.  Maybe your kid has a phone.  Fine.  Do they need internet on it?  Probably not.  Maybe they watch Youtube.  Fine.  Do you go back and watch everything they do?  Do you spend as much time on their accounts as they do?  "I don't have time for that," you might say.  Fine.  Then they don't have time for it either.  You know the statistics.  You know the numbers.  Why would you risk it?  We decided that we would be in charge of what our kids have access too.  It works for us.  (I have a college acquaintance who recently wrote an article about why his teenage son has a flip phone.  I've linked it here.  It's worth the five minutes or so to read it.)

     4)  Don't shelter them.   This might seem a contradiction after the last one, but (at least to me) there is a big difference between protection and sheltering.  I do not think that the first exposure to the world around them should happen when your kids get out on their own.  I've seen too many kids who have been too sheltered become overwhelmed when faced with the myriad of things (good & bad) life has to offer.  They spin their wheels, lose their focus, and sometime lose their way.  So, don't hide the world from your kids.  Find the right balance of exposure and protection.  And don't forget to tell them the end of the story.  Show them the results of bad decisions, don't hide it from them.  Be truthful.  Help them grow their own filters and discernment while you still have a majority of the control.  Then when they are on their own, they will have a grounding point.

    5)  Challenge them.   Let's face it...one thing you learn about life is that it is not easy.  Now, imagine you are a kid who everything has been easy for because your parents never pushed you out of a comfort zone.  What is going to happen when the first tough thing hits you?  You're either going to cave or run home to your parents to fix it.  So, challenge your kids.  Make them do stuff they don't want to.  Make them try new things.  Try new things together.  Make them find away to get along with "that" kid or "that" teacher.  (There are always going to be "those" people in your life.  You won't always be able to switch classes or instructors.)  Make them get up and go again if they fall down.  Mop up the blood and move on.  Because that's what life has to be sometimes.  You fall. You bleed. You get up. You go again.  Teach this to your kids.  There are too many quitters out there.

     Well, this post is getting long enough.  I hope it encourages and inspires you to be more intentional with your parenting.  Look for the end of the tunnel, because it's rapidly approaching.  Ask yourself the tough questions: what kind of person is my kid going to be?  Am I passing on my faith?  Can they do hard things?  Can they find the hamper?  :)

End of the Year Reflections

     Well, it's that time of year again...the time where we say, "How is it 2019 already?"  And we hear all the aphorisms about time flying, and making each day count, and enjoying the moment.  And we feel a twinge of guilt, because did we really make the most of each moment?  Was there more we could have done?  Or less?  Could we have kept that New Year's resolution a little more faithfully?  Could we have stressed less about a clean house, folded laundry, or full schedules?  Are we ever going to get our kid out of "that stage?"  Did we keep that diet or exercise plan we promised ourselves we would?

     We like to look at the beginning of the year as a time for new starts.  Fresh pages, new leaves, all that type of thing.  But I think that it can also be a good time to look back.  Not in an "I-failed-at-all-these-things" way, but in a "what-did-I learn-this-year?" way.  Looking back at the ways we failed is an easy trap to fall into.  Our human tendency is to focus on all the ways we failed, and to live there in defeat.  The enemy knows that if he can trap us in the cycle of defeat and discouragement, then he's won half the battle.  We defeat ourselves by obsessing over what we didn't do, didn't say, didn't try. 

   So, instead of making a list of things we didn't get right to start the new year, I propose we make a list of what did go right.  What good things happened?  What did we get right?  Start the new year with a different kind of list. 

   This year, I really saw the way the Lord provides for us...even in the things that aren't super "spiritual."   Like the way He kept it from raining on our camp outs, or the way He sent the rain on a day that I wanted it to rain, so I could be a part of something important to me.  The way He let us get our kid's Christmas for 50% off, allowing us to get two instead of one.  The way He sent people into our lives at the right time to encourage us in the work He has called us to.  Things that may not be important to anyone else, but to me they were a big deal.

    I didn't get super fit, but I did improve my water drinking habit.  My house isn't spotless, but my kids are healthy, and learning to be decent humans.  My baby is reading fluently, and loves to do it.  My side hobby isn't making me rich, but it is helping me to learn new things, meet new people, and have some fun along the way.   My kids at school are growing and learning and improving.   Am I still doing a lot?  Yep.  Am I doing things that I think I'm supposed to do?  Yep.  And that's what really matters. 

     I have come closer to the realization that it doesn't matter what people say or think about what you are doing.  The only thing that matters is that you are doing the things your Heavenly Father has called you to do, and that the things that you are choosing to prioritize are furthering His kingdom.  That you go to bed at night and truly say, "I did my best to do my Father's will today."  And if the answer to that question happens to be "no" one night, His grace is sufficient to make the next day better. 

    So, this is what I think we should be thinking about as this year draws to an end.  Not all the failures we have seen, but all the grace we have received.  And maybe be a little more determined to share that grace with others in the New Year.

    Oh, and of course, the other important question this time of year: do I let the kids stay up until midnight or not?  Happy New Year. :)