Done Any Autopsies Lately?

     So, I have been thinking about a blog post for a while.  This is the hard kind of post to write.  The ones about the kids and fun family stuff are way easier.  Plus, I know they're more fun for you to read. But I have been mulling over something for a while, and it won't leave, so I know I am supposed to get it out there.

    It's hard for several reasons.  One is that it is something I have been guilty of myself.  Another is that it touches on areas that are personal, and therefore it is more important to me to write about them sensitively.  The purpose of this is not to offend or cause strife among others.  But there are times when not saying something is the wrong thing to do.

     There have been several articles floating around talking about "mommy shaming" and the negative repercussions that it can have on our mothering.  For those of you who may not be familiar with this term, it basically means that moms who subscribe to certain thought processes (vax vs. non-vax; bottle vs. breastfeeding; homeschool vs. public school, etc.) band together and leave out other moms who may think differently about a topic.  Not a pleasant thing to do, or to have done to you.

     These articles have been mainly written from a secular standpoint, addressing the problems in play groups, carpools, classrooms, etc.  Part if what I want to write about touches on this a little bit, but I think there is a bigger problem in church circles than just "mommy shaming."

    It's more of a "family shaming" problem.  I have noticed how quick we as Christians are to look at a family who has a kid who strays from the way they were brought up and begin the process of dissecting them.  From famous people--like the Duggars--to people who are in your own circle of acquaintances.  No one is safe from our opinions on the hows and whys of what went wrong.

          Well, of course, they over-sheltered their kids.  Or didn't protect them from the influence of the world enough.  They were not very tough disciplinarians when their kids were young.  Or they were too strict.  They sent their kids to public school.  Or they never let their kids out of their sight.  They missed too much church activity with their family.  Or they let the work of the church take priority over their family.  The dad (or mom) was not a presence in the home. Or the dad (or mom) was over-protective and a "helicopter" parent.  Are we seeing a pattern here?

     The pattern I am starting to see is that there is no pattern. Good families who have done their best to follow what they believe is God's will for their lives don't get the magic formula for perfect kids. Their kids walk away...sometimes they come back later, and sometimes they don't.  And a large part of this tragedy is that they are not able to turn to their family in Christ for support.  Partially it is due to embarrassment of feeling like you have somehow failed as a Christian parent, but a large part is because often times the reaction of people is one of silent (and sometimes not-so-silent) condemnation. 

     Take for example the recent situation for the Duggars.  This family, who have been outspoken witnesses for Christ in a very public way, have been berated for every decision they have made for the last fifteen+ years.  They should have sent their son away.  They should have reported it. They should have not reported it.  They should have done more. They should have never been in the public eye.  They should have...  We are so quick to tell them (or other people) what they should have done.  Rather, we should realize that they did the best they could in a tragic situation.  There is no way to prepare for some things.  You just have to get through it one step at a time, doing your best to follow God's leading in your life. 

     Because what it is really about is a choice.  A choice that we all must make at some point in our lives.  The choice to put ourselves aside and follow Jesus.  No matter what.  And this is hard.  The hardest thing you will do.  And some people don't.  It's not something their parents did, or didn't do.  It is their choice, and they have to make it.  And as a parent, this is a scary thought.
 
     You wonder, "Am I doing enough?  Did I miss too many opportunities?  Have I been genuine in my faith so my kids see truth?"  Terrifying...how can we keep from constantly second-guessing ourselves?  But we have to remember it is not ourselves that we trust in.

     One of the greatest verses for me as a mom and a teacher is 3 John 4: "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth."  But conversely, you understand that there must be no greater sorrow than to hear that your children walk away from truth.  And how much is someone's sorrow compounded when they hear the people who are supposed to love and support them begin to dissect and make judgment on everything they have done?  It would be like going to someone's funeral and standing around and criticizing the medical decisions made by his family.  How cruel.  We say "We would never do that."  But how many times have we made statements like, "Well, if they hadn't done X, Y, or Z I bet their kid wouldn't have gone down that road."  I know I have.  And I shouldn't.

     So, instead of dissecting and performing an autopsy on someone's seeming failures, maybe we should help in the healing processes.  Maybe instead of thinking "I knew they shouldn't have done that," we should take time to pray for that family.  Be more understanding of the rawness of their wounds.  Be willing to listen without judging.  I know I want to be that person.  Christians shouldn't be spiritual "coroners"--always trying to determine how someone else failed.  We should be medics...ready to enter the fray and do all we can to aid our hurting brother and sister.  We should see other's hurts and ask "How can I help?"  I am sure that is what the Great Physician would have us to do.  

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

     For most of us, at some point in our life, we had a teacher ask us to write an essay on what we did over the summer when we got back to school.  (Side note: for some reason, essays are called "themes" now.  Why this had to change is a mystery to me.)  Well, I thought since the first week of school is behind me, I would write my essay about how I spent my summer.  Hope I get a good grade... :)

     We started off the summer with a couple of daunting tasks that we wanted to get accomplished before school started back again.  These included adding more light fixtures to the main Learning Center, and also painting the offices.  I thought the lights would be complicated, and that the paint would be the easy part.  Was I ever wrong...
 
     Let's just say that painting over old oil-based paint is more daunting than you would expect.  I was happily painting away and thought I was making good progress until I picked up one of the dry pieces and realized that the new paint was basically just sitting on top of the old paint...it wasn't sticking to the pieces at all.  This was cause for some alarm for me, because I know what happens when you put a kid in front of chipped paint.  It's like a magnet for picking fingers.  Well, we did a little research (probably should have done it first, but come on, it's painting, how hard can it be?) and found out that the type of paint used to paint the offices originally was oil based paint specifically meant to repel dirt, damage, and other things.  This would seem to include any new coats of paint that you may want to apply.  We finally found that if we used soap, water, and a ScotchBrite sponge before we tried to paint, then the new coat would adhere better.  So, after we made this discovery things went much more smoothly.

    It was out goal to get most of those two jobs done before we took our family vacation.  We were able to do that, and so we headed out of town for a week to do a few fun things together as a family.  We like to use our fun times to also learn things, so our trip itinerary included a trip to Stone Mountain, Georgia and the Atlanta Aquarium and a visit to some family as well.

Stone Mt.

The boys at the top of the mountain. 

     For those of you unfamiliar with it, Stone Mountain is just outside Atlanta, Georgia.  It is composed of granite, and has a large picture of three Confederate leaders carved into its side.  It was very interesting to learn how they made the carving, and also for the boys to learn about the War Between the States, and the history of the area.  The boys, their aunt, and I rode the sky bucket to the top of the mountain, and then hiked back down.  It was an impressive view, and it was especially interesting to watch as a thunderstorm rolled in from the distance.

     The kids like the aquarium the most.  All of our kids really enjoy going and seeing animals, and learning about all the different kinds of creatures God put on Earth for us to enjoy.  We knew this would be the highlight of their trip, so we planned to spend the whole day there.   Some of their most favorite things to see were the penguins (we love us some penguins in this house!), the whale sharks, and the dolphin show.  It was a long day, but the definitely a fun one!  

Ready for our day at the aquarium!

Whale shark swimming overhead.

Fascinated.

In the bubble!

PENGUINS!

Our newest penguin fan!

The cutest penguin...

     In addition to seeing these fun places, we also got to visit Daddy's sister in Georgia and brother in Indiana.  First-Born had a big milestone this summer: spending a whole week away from us!  He spent a fun week with his cousins in Indiana.  He fished, played, fished, rowed in the boat, fished, went to the fair, and fished.  He was so excited about the several bass he caught with his cousin.  I think he would have happily spent two weeks!

     Too soon it was back home again, and back to work for Mommy and Daddy!  Lots of paperwork to do, computer programs to learn to use, and school things to get organized.  Let's just say, I didn't know if it would all get done!!  But the Lord is our Help, and with His Help, we were all ready to go on Orientation Night.  We had a great summer, but it was time to get settled back into a routine.

     Thanks for checking back in with us, and I hope you all enjoyed your summer fun too!  I will end this how every student ends their summer vacation essay: "...and that's how I spent my summer vacation."  THE END  :)

Summer Update!

   Well, once again the time has flown by since my last blog post!  I know--you'd think now that it was summer and  I was a SAHM, I would have plenty of time to sit down and do a little blogging...I'm such a slacker!  *eyeroll  But, as I have explained to several people, being "out of school" does not mean that there is no work to do there!  This summer's projects include learning and utilizing a new computer based records system for school paperwork, painting and restructuring the school desks, closing up last school year and opening up this school year, and don't forget the general cleaning out and sorting through that has to happen in the meantime.  Needless to say, we are still putting in a "few" hours over at school.
 
     And let's not forget the home front.  We have decided that this summer would be the time to potty train Little Sister.  And for those of you who have been through that particular fun time, you know what that entails.  We are slowly seeing progress though...I think...  Also, I have started a little side venture of something that I have always been interested in.  A missionary acquaintance of ours is in the process of writing several commentaries on some books of the Bible, and I am his editor.  I am excited about doing this job as editing has always been something I have been interested in.  Plus, I just didn't think I had enough going on in my life...haha!

     Even though we are busy, we have tried to take time to have some family fun this summer.  In fact, the reason I have a little extra time today to sit down and blog is because I am "only" doing laundry and packing to leave for a vacation.  We plan to visit family, see an aquarium and a state park, and (gulp) leave First-Born to stay for a week with his cousins in Indiana.  This will be his first time spending time so far away from home.  Kinda like summer camp, but with people we actually know.  This will be a big change for him, but also for Middle Biscuit, who will have to be the big brother for a week!

    We have done a few fun things already this summer.  A couple of weeks ago, we wanted to go on an "adventure," so we took the kids to a local creek to play for a while.  They had a great time, and are already asking when we can go again!

    One of the highlights of our summer is the Fourth of July.  Besides our country's celebrations, this is the time that my mom's family (who are mostly local to us here) has chosen to have our family reunion.  We always enjoy getting together with family to have good food, lots of fun, and plenty of time to visit.  Not everyone can make it every year as we grow as a family, and we miss those who can't be there.  Family seems to become more and more important as my kids get older.  I want them to have memories of people who have contributed so much to their upbringing.  I want them to know a family that honors God even when we get together for fun.  Family who have stayed faithful even when times have been hard.  This is the important thing that I want for my kids.  To know that it is not just Mommy and Daddy who believe this way, but that they come from a family who makes it their highest priority to honor God with their lives.  

     I hope to make a post about our vacation when we get back.  Maybe I will even get it done and posted before Christmas--haha!  Thanks for reading my musings, and I hope you have a great rest of the summer!  :)