Mondays...and Stitch is 7!

     So, today was Monday.  All day.  One of those days where bedtime cannot come soon enough.  No one was really terrible, just a lot of foolishness which compounded to get on my nerves quickly.  The kind of day that ends with a little person mumbling about "mom not liking us."  Yikes.  So, after an explanation and a conversation about how to make our time go more smoothly, we all decided to try to have a better day tomorrow.  Sometimes that is all you can do.  Go to bed and start fresh with a new day.  

     I think tomorrow will be better right from the start -- because tomorrow we are celebrating Stitch's birthday.  He will be seven.  Our littlest guy with the biggest personality.  This kid never meets a stranger.  And he always has something to say...about everything.  And sometimes the stuff is truly cringe-worthy as a parent.  But somehow he manages to get people laughing about the most outrageous stuff!  For example, a couple of weeks ago, he told an older man we know who has to use oxygen that he looks like Darth Vader!  And (thankfully) everyone thought is was the funniest thing ever!  And a few months ago, he asked a man in our church how old he was.   The man replied that he was seventy.  So Stitch answers in a musing tone, "Huh.  You're old enough to be dead, but you're still alive!"  Seriously, how do you handle that as a parent?!  But everyone just loves him to death.  It is obviously a gift.  Maybe he will be a pastor when he grows up...able to say the hard truth to folks and somehow they still love him.  

     He is so excited about this birthday.  I am not sure why.  We don't really have anything extra special planned.  But he has been asking and planning, and counting the days until his birthday since about November.  (By the way, y'all, it is not easy to count how many days between November and January before 7:00am for this girl! And he always asked first thing in the morning!)  But I hope to have a treat for him to take to school and share with his friends tomorrow, and maybe pancakes for his birthday breakfast.  I guess birthdays are just more exciting when you're seven.  

     He has definitely made our lives more exciting.  He has a tender side that he tries to keep hidden under a tough guy exterior.  He does his best to keep up with his big brothers and show them that he is just as strong as they are.  But he adores his baby cousins and broadly hints to dad and mom that he would like another little brother.  

     So, happy birthday to our sweet, funny guy.  And maybe tomorrow will not be a Monday!  :)

Pond Water

     So, I have started out this year reading the devotional "My Utmost for His Highest".  This is a fairly famous series of daily devotions written by Oswald Chambers.  While familiar with the book, I hadn't really taken time to use it as a devotional on a personal basis.  

     It has been very good so far.  What struck me the most is that although the devotionals themselves are not long in content, they have so much in them to think about.  

     *Literary side note: It seems that writings from years ago have so much more rich vocabulary than most of the writings of today!  Authors seem to be able to write with more depth in less space.  This seems to carry through not only in the Christian realm, but also the secular authors.  Compare Sherlock Holmes with a current mystery story.  Or Jane Austen with a current romance novelist.  The story just seems  to have more depth; not only is the vocabulary richer, but the characters seem to have more depth. *end literary side note*

     The devotional today was titled "What My Obedience to God Costs Other People".  I have never really thought about how my personal obedience to God has the possibility to cost other people.  Obviously, the converse is true -- my disobedience can cost other people.  This is the aspect that most of us understand.  Our disobedience can cause others to stumble in their walk with Christ.  This is a simple concept.  

    How does our obedience to Christ cost other people?  Mr. Chambers brings out the fact that others will be affected.  "If we obey God it will mean that other people's plans are upset, and they will gibe us with it --'You call this Christianity?' We can prevent the suffering; but if we are going to obey God, we must not prevent it, we must let the cost be paid."  In other words, our obedience to Christ will be inconvenient for others.  And we must not let our desire to not be an inconvenience stand in the way of our obedience.

    This essay also contains this quote, which I found very powerful: "Stagnation in spiritual life comes when we say we will bear the whole thing ourselves."  To me, in the context of this essay, what this is saying is that we will become stagnant in our walk of faith if we try prevent our spirituality and obedience from affecting others.  By trying not to be an "offense" to others, we will actually become flat, lifeless Christians ourselves.  In the same way pond water becomes stagnant if it does not have some amount of outflow, we as Christians will become less if our obedience does not have an affect on others.  If we only focus on our walk as it affects us, we will be less powerful for the kingdom of Christ.  

     He ends the devotional by saying "We have simply to obey and to leave all consequences with HIm."  Is this what I do?  Do I first think of obedience and what it means to God?  Or do I spend time thinking "Well, if I obey God in this area, this person will be will be affected this way, and I don't want them to be offended at me?"  If God is calling me to a higher standard in my life, should I really hesitate in my obedience just because I don't want my relationship with someone to change?  

     The last sentence of the devotional states, "Beware of the inclination to dictate to God as to what you will allow to happen if you obey Him." This is so true!  How often do I allow my obedience to God to be contingent on some preconceived plan of my own?  "I will obey if..."  This is pride in our own independence, thinking we can choose the terms of our obedience to God.  Think how you would feel as a parent if your child said, "Well, Mom, I will obey you in this, but I expect to you to do this in return."  Umm, no!  Then why do we think we can dictate to God the terms of our own obedience?

     We spend a good portion of our children's early developmental stages teaching the concept of obedience.  This can take many forms, from "Don't touch the stove" to "Pick up your toys," but it all boils down to a very simple concept -- Do what you are told.  Why do we spend all those minutes instructing in this area?  Yes, to keep them safe and help them become someone the rest of the world can stand to be around, but those are only the surface reasons.  The most important reason is because we want them to have a lifetime habit of obeying their authority.  If they can learn to obey mom and dad, then obeying God is the next natural step.  This is the end result of what we are trying to accomplish.  

     But we can't just teach this; we have to live it.  And we have to live it in such a way that we are not concerned about how our obedience may affect another.  We would find it a little strange if our child offered the fact that they were afraid of offending their sibling as a reason for their disobedience!  So let's not let our lives become pond water.  Don't stagnate in your spiritual walk.  Let the blessing of being obedient to God flow through you and make a difference in the lives of those around you! 

       

    

Done Any Autopsies Lately?

     So, I have been thinking about a blog post for a while.  This is the hard kind of post to write.  The ones about the kids and fun family stuff are way easier.  Plus, I know they're more fun for you to read. But I have been mulling over something for a while, and it won't leave, so I know I am supposed to get it out there.

    It's hard for several reasons.  One is that it is something I have been guilty of myself.  Another is that it touches on areas that are personal, and therefore it is more important to me to write about them sensitively.  The purpose of this is not to offend or cause strife among others.  But there are times when not saying something is the wrong thing to do.

     There have been several articles floating around talking about "mommy shaming" and the negative repercussions that it can have on our mothering.  For those of you who may not be familiar with this term, it basically means that moms who subscribe to certain thought processes (vax vs. non-vax; bottle vs. breastfeeding; homeschool vs. public school, etc.) band together and leave out other moms who may think differently about a topic.  Not a pleasant thing to do, or to have done to you.

     These articles have been mainly written from a secular standpoint, addressing the problems in play groups, carpools, classrooms, etc.  Part if what I want to write about touches on this a little bit, but I think there is a bigger problem in church circles than just "mommy shaming."

    It's more of a "family shaming" problem.  I have noticed how quick we as Christians are to look at a family who has a kid who strays from the way they were brought up and begin the process of dissecting them.  From famous people--like the Duggars--to people who are in your own circle of acquaintances.  No one is safe from our opinions on the hows and whys of what went wrong.

          Well, of course, they over-sheltered their kids.  Or didn't protect them from the influence of the world enough.  They were not very tough disciplinarians when their kids were young.  Or they were too strict.  They sent their kids to public school.  Or they never let their kids out of their sight.  They missed too much church activity with their family.  Or they let the work of the church take priority over their family.  The dad (or mom) was not a presence in the home. Or the dad (or mom) was over-protective and a "helicopter" parent.  Are we seeing a pattern here?

     The pattern I am starting to see is that there is no pattern. Good families who have done their best to follow what they believe is God's will for their lives don't get the magic formula for perfect kids. Their kids walk away...sometimes they come back later, and sometimes they don't.  And a large part of this tragedy is that they are not able to turn to their family in Christ for support.  Partially it is due to embarrassment of feeling like you have somehow failed as a Christian parent, but a large part is because often times the reaction of people is one of silent (and sometimes not-so-silent) condemnation. 

     Take for example the recent situation for the Duggars.  This family, who have been outspoken witnesses for Christ in a very public way, have been berated for every decision they have made for the last fifteen+ years.  They should have sent their son away.  They should have reported it. They should have not reported it.  They should have done more. They should have never been in the public eye.  They should have...  We are so quick to tell them (or other people) what they should have done.  Rather, we should realize that they did the best they could in a tragic situation.  There is no way to prepare for some things.  You just have to get through it one step at a time, doing your best to follow God's leading in your life. 

     Because what it is really about is a choice.  A choice that we all must make at some point in our lives.  The choice to put ourselves aside and follow Jesus.  No matter what.  And this is hard.  The hardest thing you will do.  And some people don't.  It's not something their parents did, or didn't do.  It is their choice, and they have to make it.  And as a parent, this is a scary thought.
 
     You wonder, "Am I doing enough?  Did I miss too many opportunities?  Have I been genuine in my faith so my kids see truth?"  Terrifying...how can we keep from constantly second-guessing ourselves?  But we have to remember it is not ourselves that we trust in.

     One of the greatest verses for me as a mom and a teacher is 3 John 4: "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth."  But conversely, you understand that there must be no greater sorrow than to hear that your children walk away from truth.  And how much is someone's sorrow compounded when they hear the people who are supposed to love and support them begin to dissect and make judgment on everything they have done?  It would be like going to someone's funeral and standing around and criticizing the medical decisions made by his family.  How cruel.  We say "We would never do that."  But how many times have we made statements like, "Well, if they hadn't done X, Y, or Z I bet their kid wouldn't have gone down that road."  I know I have.  And I shouldn't.

     So, instead of dissecting and performing an autopsy on someone's seeming failures, maybe we should help in the healing processes.  Maybe instead of thinking "I knew they shouldn't have done that," we should take time to pray for that family.  Be more understanding of the rawness of their wounds.  Be willing to listen without judging.  I know I want to be that person.  Christians shouldn't be spiritual "coroners"--always trying to determine how someone else failed.  We should be medics...ready to enter the fray and do all we can to aid our hurting brother and sister.  We should see other's hurts and ask "How can I help?"  I am sure that is what the Great Physician would have us to do.