In the last 20 years, so many things have happened to our family! We went from carefree, impulse-trip-to the-beach kind of people to fall-into-bed-at 9:30 kind of people. Four kids will do that to you. We bought a house, rented the house, and moved to the parsonage. We went from Hubby working a 9-5 office job, to taking on the running of a school. From a stay at home mom to a working full time (plus some!) mom. From babies to big kids to mostly grown ones.
I look back on those people, and I wonder where they went some days. When the biggest decision I made in a week was whether to pack a picnic lunch or buy one when I took the babies to the zoo on Friday! Man...that was so long ago. I admit--I wonder what my life would look like now if things had continued in the same way. Would I be a cookie baking, Latin teaching homeschool mom? Would I be worn to a frazzle trying to do everything around the house because it was my "job"?
You see, change necessitates growth. I wouldn't recognize myself in that world because I am not that person anymore. When I lived there, I could totally see that person...in fact, I thought it would be inevitable that I would become that person. But now, she seems so strange to me. I've outgrown her.
Not that I regret outgrowing her. I don't think a butterfly looks back at the chrysalis with regret. But it took change to become the new creature. And change is painful at times. I don't know if you have ever done one of those butterfly cage things...but y'all...that thing surprised me. I knew the butterflies had to emerge from the chrysalis and that it was a struggle for them that allowed them to grow the muscles needed to move forward to the next step. But when we did one in our class, the chrysalis stage was way more intense than I expected. "Emerge" is such a gentle sounding word. Y'all...the butterfly cage looked like a murder scene! Red goo everywhere from the force of the chrysalis breaking open and the butterfly forcing its way out! (The class was awed and grossed out at the same time!)
But isn't that how our lives are? I mean, I know there were things that I've been through in the last 20 years that made me feel like I was struggling out of one stage in an explosion of red goo...only to wind up floundering about at the bottom for a while until finally getting to the next stage. Just to have it start all over again once I thought I had a handle on it. But this process is how we grow. Hopefully, the more this process happens, the less struggle it will take over time and the process of change will be smoother. It's growing up, y'all.
I know I'm about to enter a whole new time of change. My kids are turning from kids to young adults. In 5 years, my First Born will be 20. It's our job to get them through this final critical stage of childhood so that their entry into adulthood isn't covered in red goo with them struggling at the bottom of the cage. My prayers for my kids have been turning more and more into asking that God will guide us in helping our kids become adults. That they will see us living our lives in obedience to God in a consistent way. And that they will begin to see the reality of a life lived for Jesus rather than for self.
So, as I reflect on the last 20 years, and ponder the next 20, I know this life will be filled with new struggles, new adventures, and new growth. But my prayer is that there will be less red goo and floundering and more "growing in grace." And that 20 years from now, I'll look back and be amazed at what God has done! :)
